The Danger of "Just Getting It Over With"

Because I do so much work with couples in distress, it's inevitable I'll work with couples in the midst of a divorce. So, I'm often there from the announcement through the final paperwork, which gives me great insight into the entire process from start to finish.

One trend I see over and over again is the notion of "I just want to get this over with." After so much turmoil, distress, and conflict, it's not unusual for at least one partner to exhaust himself/herself and concede to any request because, frankly, he/she is just plain tired.

I often hear, "I'll do anything she asks - I just want to get this over with." Or, "I don't care what he does anymore - I just want to get this over with."

Of course, this often expedites the process and, on the surface, seems to make things easier.

BUT, in the end, "giving up" can often lead to even more conflict down the road. All those things you just "don't care about" anymore DO matter in the end. When one person ends-up stuffing down his/her real feelings for the sake of convenience, these issues typically explode much later.

So, I often advise couples to understand they'll be emotionally exhausted during a divorce. And, that exhaustion will tempt them to want to concede on matters that really should be discussed. So, instead, they'll need to dig-deep and really discuss important matters. Stuffing them down will only allow them to fester and cause resentment.

We've all been tempted to give up on things because we're too tired to work at them anymore. But, it's important to remember those issues don't really go away - they're just waiting to come-up at another time.


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